This article may seem counterintuitive to you in the beginning, particularly given my role as a Blogger focusing on self-help and especially confidence and self-esteem. But since I promised myself that I would proceed with honesty as a core value which guides how I conduct all my work, I’m asking you to read this post in its entirety before making any kind of judgment.
Self-help/ Self-improvement, and especially “life coaching” has become
very popular, almost fashionable, in the past few of years. Maybe you’ve noticed, it seems there are dozens upon dozens of articles, videos, and books on the topic of self-help.
All you have to do is tap the word “self-help” in Google or Yahoo, and you will find hundreds and even thousands of resources, from websites to blogs, videos, and e-books about every aspect of self-help. Simply put, you may consider the volume of material overwhelming.
There is coaching for parents, special coaching to improve confidence and self-esteem and entire strategies on how to make approach the work interview, not to mention the virtually limitless advice on dating and relationships. In fact, there are all types of coaching, and a variety of different methods or modalities: NLP, energy (Reiki); meditation, hypnosis, EFT, and many others. Marketing can be a b*** sometimes, excuse my French!
Don’t tell me you didn’t get lost in all those information, because I’ve found myself lost in the clutter and for a long time my friend….
When you visit many of those coaches’ websites or their Facebook pages, you find pictures of smiling faces all neatly packaged presentation often told they will turn you into the leader you never dreamt of and boost your self-confidence. Seemingly, all you have to do is to listen very carefully, take some notes, and, boom, you are a different person, ready for big challenges!
Gaining knowledge, and then, what? Gaining more knowledge, and maybe do some exercises for a couple of days, and that’s it!
That’s it? Are you trying to convince me that this is how I’m going to have self-confidence? You got to be kidding me right!
So this is exactly the type of frustration I‘d been through before arriving where I am right now…For more information contact about page.
In fact, gaining knowledge and discussing ideas is fine. You may improve a little because at least you are going to be conscious of many things you’ve been doing WRONG; but to be honest, it’s not going to CHANGE YOU.
For example, if you spend all your time whining and complaining about everything happening in your life, your friends, significant other, your boss, the government, the weather and I communicate to you that whining is a negative attitude that it meant to attract attention, and seek validation and that the more negative it’s the more it will slow down you improvement in life, you may be aware of how bad is the problem, and it’s influence on your professional and personal relationship.
You may even try to whine a lot less, and avoid a mastermind group (in self-help, we define a mastermind group as a combination of brainstorming, education, peer accountability and support in a group) that encourage this type of behavior.
But is it going to change you completely and make you someone who doesn’t whine or complain in a way so that you’re not going to even need to ask questions and examine the situation?
The answer is NO! Not because you didn’t try enough, or because you aren’t aware of the problem. It’s simply because you didn’t ask the right question. Why the most important question of the 5 Ws!
“If you know why, you can live anyhow” Nietzsche
This is the question that you always asked your parents as a child (before being punished due to the fact that they probably didn’t know how to answer you).
So deep down, WHY do you look for an excuse to complain all the time? This’s the real question that you need to ask yourself.
“Successful people ask better questions, and as a result, they get better answers.” Tony Robbins
Now before I go deep into this subject, let me explain to you the reason why it mostly doesn’t stop here, the reason is the difference between the change and improvement.
Initially, improving appear as easy and results are faster, with less effort. But we always need to watch and reassess, because these initial changes aren’t a solid basis on which we can arrive at a final evaluation. They are unreliable because they are based on a conscious decision. As such, consciousness only accounts for 10% of the mind’s total capacity.
While changing appear as hard and could be long, and we even need to let it go sometimes, lose to win, the results are HUGE, and you don’t have to do anything afterward…. It’s UNCONSCIOUS.
So how do we become a leader? How to build self-confidence and self-esteem?
What are the ingredients that we need to use to bring back self-confidence?
Is there any specific gene for leadership that we are either born with it or not, and we are unable to choose?
Is it something that needs specific work?
Is it a matter of belief and motivation, or do we have to just wish for it and the Universe will bring it?
Just stay with me, and I will give you the secret that I found after so much research.
The answer to all those questions and more, exist in one word, yes, only one word, that’s totally new for you, but deep down you already know it without being conscious of it.
A very simple word and it’s exactly the new revolutionary concept that I’m determined to introduce not only to the world of confidence world but to the self-help in general.
But before that, let me clear one thing, I have the absolute belief that not only each of us is born with the capacity and the potential to become a self-confident person, but each of us is born a self-confident person.
Now, you may be thinking: If that’s the case, then why isn’t everybody self-confident when we grow up? Why it appear to be so easy for some people, but for others, the idea of presenting themselves in a work interview scares the shit out of them?
Good question! You are so close.
And this my friend leads me to the word that I promised I was going to mention: CHILDHOOD.
When you’re a child, you’re like a sponge ready to absorb any information from your parents,
We’re born as self-confident persons; it’s the childhood experience that allows some people retain this natural self-confidence, and for other people and have a low self-esteem as well, they grow up with feelings of inadequacy! Many don’t even remember those painful experiences.
Yes, you still have this self-confidence; it’s just that there are some emotional links that prevent you from having it. For you, self-confidence is connected to the pain, because of past events.
Freud has explained that the clues to understanding the uniqueness of an individual personality are found in childhood. Childhood is destiny, and when we grew up we try to live the exact family environment we had in our childhood and teens, which means we are unconsciously trying to live the same way because we never knew any other way.
For example, if you had a depressive mother, and when you were child and teens you used to try to attract her attention so you could make her smile. When you grow up, you will try by any means to attract other people’s attention (especially women for men) by being a “Dancing monkey” (someone who falls into the trap of being too over-the-top and entertaining, at the expense of being attractive/cool/interesting).
I believe Freud is largely right about this, only I disagree with his approach of the Freudian psychoanalysis–hours and hours of sessions to explore this childhood, but a minimum action and minimum change on the unconscious level!
Now if it’s the case, is it possible to come back to this initial, unadulterated, and clear state of natural self-confidence?
Of course, you can, there’s a very powerful technique that can liberate you instantly from all negative events of childhood and all of the “luggage” that comes with those events (beliefs, emotions). By liberating ourselves the negative energies blocking you and at the same time release and awake your self-confidence and the deep inner leader that will allow you to take great strides and QUICK results.
Your only challenge is your resistance to change. Otherwise, everything else is very easy.
Now your turn!
Have you ever had the feeling of being lost in the world of self-improvement, and not knowing where to start, or how to put it in practice? Let me know in the comments section, please!
YASSINE BARNAOUI is a freelancer, Blogger and life coach specializing in self-help (self-improvement) & a health coach in Nutrition. Originally a biologist with a Master’s degree in health and nutrition from the science faculty in Tetuan Morocco, he’s a neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) practitioner and holds a technical certificate in Computer Management. He was able to successfully coach dozens of people. He lives in Morroco. Read More…