I know that I need to mention the word « destiny » with extreme caution…
But I’m not using it in this title just by simple coincidence. It’s the fruit of long researches about the topic of childhood.Those researches lead me to conclude that it’s your childhood and teen that defines your personality as an adult.
In fact, not only your childhood and your teen define your self-confidence and your self-esteem as a part of your personality, but also the choice of your career, your hobbies, and even the color of your tie!
I know that deep down; you’re having a hard time assimilating what I’m trying to say…
I understand because we all have what Carl Jung called “the shadow”: this dark and deep part of our subconscious or this “ghost” inside your closet that scare you. The “ ghost” you made sure that you locked it up, and that you never look down since.
It was a long time ago, to the extent that you even forgot about its presence. It’s inside this closet that you archived all the past events that caused you an extreme pain. And you’re not planning to dig anytime soon…
It hurt so bad, that you prefer to ignore it, and even forget about it, to lie to yourself and say that it does not have any influence on you.
That’s exactly why you find so difficult to accept what I just said…
I understand, because I’ve been there, I tried to change myself by any possible mean, but without touching this “shadow”. I had the same excuses as yours, but I didn’t know I was beating around the bush. You can know more about my experience in about page.
How did your dad play a huge role in your life since your childhood? :
One of the important things that constitute the shadow is called “father hunger”.
In fact, the role of a father was largely ignored in Psychology & Anthropology, most of the researches focused on the role of the mother. They even went far and consider it an invention of society.
However, the father plays a very important role in our childhood, the pain we go throw because of his absence (that could be a physical one, or father physically present but emotionally and mentally absent) is so big, and it’s written in this big file called the shadow.
Your real challenge is your own shadow!
Dr. Louis Sullivan, ex-secretary of health & human services in US administration, has noticed that parents today spend 40% less time with their children than did parents in 1965.
This relationship with your father during your childhood will go until influencing all your life: your love relationship, your friendships, your objectives, your self-confidence, your self-esteem, and even your spirituality!
Read also: Why self-help is becoming a “fashion”
In one survey by the National Center for fathering, very troubled daughters said they went for comfort, first to music; second, to girlfriends; and third, to television. Dad comes in 34!
Let’s take an example: if you didn’t hear enough compliments from your father, you would want to live most of your life trying to hear them from other persons, in order to fill this void. We call this behavior seeking validation in other people.
Your father is always inside you, even when you’re not conscious of it:
In other hands, his judgments, his critics, and even his insults will influence the development of your self-confidence and self-esteem in a big way. But also other important qualities, they are part of the reason for your fear of making mistakes.
When we are a child, we need to feel that we receive unconditional love, for whom we really are, for our true self, and not for what we had.
Your father defines your own identity. He’s the first man in your life ever to accept (or refuse) your ideas, your emotions, and decide what will be your beliefs and even your values. For a little girl, he’s the first love of her life, he will then define the relationship she will have will all the men she will know when she will grow up
The mother also plays a big role; she constitutes the other part of your shadow. It just that the change in our society and our lifestyle had created a bigger father absence than mother absence.
Now, here’s what you need to assimilate from this article:
The relationship with your parents as a child and teenager define the relationship with all the persons you know as an adult.
Many interesting self-help techniques help us to solve this issue.
“Keylife method” is a new and revolutionary method, easy and fast, based largely on this important part of life. It will for sure help you obtain the desired results instantly.
Now, I will leave you will this touching John Mayer song, where he speaks about the life train that never stops, and tells us with nostalgia how much he wants to go back to live his life as a child and bring back what he lost when he grew up.
Did this article open up your eyes? Let me know in the comments session!
YASSINE BARNAOUI is a freelancer, Blogger and life coach specializing in self-help (self-improvement) & a health coach in Nutrition. Originally a biologist with a Master’s degree in health and nutrition from the science faculty in Tetuan Morocco, he’s a neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) practitioner and holds a technical certificate in Computer Management. He was able to successfully coach dozens of people. He lives in Morroco. Read More…