Do you remember the biology class you took in high school? Or were you busy pranking the teacher ? 🙂
What did they tell you about water and oil?
That you should never mix water and oil. Because oil molecules contain one hydrophobic tail (refuse water) and a hydrophilic tail (accepts water), which make them incompatible.
Nevertheless, what is your reaction when you are cooking something, and suddenly a pan full of oil starts burning?
If you’re like most people, your first reaction will be to add water, which is worse, and even more dangerous!
That’s exactly how some people perceive confidence. They have these characters (and even sustain them) which contradicts self-confidence. They think that somehow they can attain self-confidence without needing to change- whatsoever. Like they somehow have a Harry Potter magic wand!
I encountered this anecdote so many times; that I decided once and for all, to write an article explaining certain characteristics within personality types that not only contradict self-confidence, but in fact, it is even impossible to have these characteristics and to have confidence at the same time.
According to the Cambridge dictionary, confidence is the quality of being certain of your abilities or of having trust in people, plans, or the future.
Do you trully believe that a negative person would be certain of his ability, or trust in the future?
Hell no! Self-confidence needs optimism. I don’t think you would imagine someone whose confident saying: “I don’t believe the recruiter will call me back, but I’m confident that this interview was a real success!”
It doesn’t make any sense! This is why pessimists are the ones that have the least confidence in themselves. It is because their vision of the future is already gray. This pessimistic vision involves their capacities, their competences and their chances for success.
When I wanted to start my blog, I told myself that I needed to understand, assimilate, and read everything that had to do with digital marketing, SEO, and blogging. So I started reading, watching videos and attending seminars. I tried to study the best blogs in self-help, and then I registered a domain name in WordPress. I was such a perfectionist at the time. I made a plan. I wrote my first articles in Word format and saved them in my computer. And I waited…I waited the perfect moment…I waited for a year and a half!
Asides from being a lack of confidence, my perfectionism was nothing but fear of error, judgment, and obstacles.
One day, I decided to jump in head first, while working on this weakness of being perfectionistic. I discovered later that it was all in my head, and that confidence was not in harmony with being perfectionistic.
Perfectionism is a reason for procrastination. A perfectionist is almost never satisfied with his task. In his opinion, it could always be better. He can always improve it until it becomes “perfect” which does not exist because nothing is perfect. Nevertheless, for perfectionists, mistakes shouldn’t even exist in the first place.
Contrariwise, someone with real self-confidence doesn’t need to be perfectionistic. He/she doesn’t need to believe that he/she should never commit mistakes. On the contrary, he/she doesn’t have fear of errors, but he/she is sure he/she will succeed and transform errors into feed-back- obstacles into challenges.
3. IMPATIENT :
If you’re really sure that you are capable of succeeding, then wouldn’t be in such a hurry. Someone who is impatient always shows a lack of confidence. Patience is the virtue of confident people. Impatience is a sign that we worry that this opportunity will be gone and that we will never have any other one in the future.
For example, a real seducer, is never impatient to attract the attention of the women he finds attractive; he notices all the men that is are in competition with him yet, he has confidence that she will choose him. He is always patient, which is very sexy.
When you judge somebody negatively -regardless of your intention, you automatically creates a negative energy. As a result, you block any connection with this person, and you create a barrier with him.
But why is being judgmental not aligned with self-confidence?
Let me explain…
Your judgment is a self-defense mechanism in order to protect your weak ego. Everytime you judge a person, it shows that you are not confident about everything that connects you to him/her. You are not convinced that he/she will like you or that he/she will accept you for who you truly are. You are not confident that he/she will become your friend, or that he/she will be convinced with your offer- in the case of a costumer.
Judgment doesn’t solely happen through words. It is a belief, a way of thinking, a personality trait. It could be noticed in your eye-contact, your body language, your ton of voice, and even your energy, without you saying a single word. (link the men women article)
Of course, if you are judgmental, you usually blame the other person. Because you are acting like a VICTIME…
If you don’t make « life or death » decisions, you die. In Biology, we define life as a group of decisions that never stops until death. Your chances of surviving grow each time you make a decision towards survival, for food, and for protection.
But you need to also know that not making a decision is a decision in itself!
Each time you hesitate, or you don’t make a decision, it means that you don’t have faith in your skills. You lack trust in your competence. It is not bad to assume that you are not perfect, but the problem is that you may use it as an excuse to do ABSOLUTELY NOTHING !
We are afraid of making a wrong decision. But in reality, making a wrong decision is much better than making no decision at all.
Now, that you know about these negative qualities which prevent you from nurturing your self-confidence, and by extension, your professional success and your relationships. You know that so long as you don’t work on improving those negative characteristics, you will never gain true self-confidence.
This is the reason why Keylife approach, is a revolutionary and holistic approach. It takes into consideration all the personality characteristics you need to develop in order to gain confidence and eventually run a successful startup.
YASSINE BARNAOUI is a freelancer, Blogger and life coach specializing in self-help (self-improvement) & a health coach in Nutrition. Originally a biologist with a Master’s degree in health and nutrition from the science faculty in Tetuan Morocco, he’s a neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) practitioner and holds a technical certificate in Computer Management. He was able to successfully coach dozens of people. He lives in Morroco. Read More…